For the Sake of a Smile
by Ephereal
Summary: Post-series. Even with everything finished, they're still here. In pieces, but here nonetheless. Now it's up to them whether or not they want to put the pieces back together. UPDATE: IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE PLEASE READ. Chapter 4 up next week!
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Omg these past two weekends I've been watching Code Geass. And all I can say is ALSDJFASLDFJLJKADSF AMAZING. I loved the series, I loved the characters. I loved everything. Naturally, I was inspired to write fic. This idea popped into my head randomly and I'm not sure where I'm going with it but I do love Suzaku/Kallen. Suzaku = my favorite 3 I'm sad to say that it's pretty unpopular but I hope you guys will enjoy the story anyways. Please note that since it is my first time writing the characters they probably won't be too in character. Which is...sad.

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TThe mask was heavy.

The mask was heavy as was its burden with it. Suzaku knew this – he _knew_ Lelouch knew it – but somehow knowing it beforehand did nothing to help ease the pain. Suddenly Kururugi Suzaku no longer existed in the world. It was just Zero, always Zero.

He knew there would be questions. Questions came along with the burden. Sometimes after meetings with Nunally, she would stop him before he went on his way, soft mouth twisted in confusion. But he'd just pat her head before she could say anything, pat her head like he used to, and she'd be silent. The former Black Knights threw him confused looks – sometimes that Ohgi fellow looked as if he actually knew something – but they would easily forget it and go on with their lives.

Yes, their lives. Because two years after Lelouch the Demon Emperor had been murdered by Zero the Hero, everything had suddenly settled into place. Everyone had moved on, everyone had found their own happiness.

Because the world had finally become a gentle place.

And isn't that what mattered? Isn't that what Lelouch wanted, what Lelouch sacrificed so much for?

_Yes._ The answer rung in Suzaku's mind like a dim bell. But no matter how many times he tried to tell himself that he was doing the right thing, that he was living out Lelouch's – _Zero's_ — legacy, it did nothing to ease the ache that had taken over his chest.

He couldn't help but feel guilty. Who was he to demand happiness of all things when he had so willingly and decisively accepted the final wish that Lelouch bestowed upon him? Who was he to question his wretched existence in an otherwise peaceful world? Who was he?

Zero. Suzaku.

He didn't even know anymore.

Most definitely, he was not Kururugi Suzaku, former Knight of Zero. And by no means was he the former glorious Zero, fearless leader of the Black Knights.

He was Zero. Yet he wasn't.

Suzaku laid back on his bed and stared up at the ceiling, a dissatisfied sigh coming out of his mouth. "You're losing it, Kururugi," he murmured to himself. It was a slight comfort to call himself by his former name – no one called him Suzaku anymore. He was only Zero to the outside world. It was okay to be Suzaku in his little apartment that Nunally had given him, far off from the tiresome troubles life had shoved at him. He did little to nothing now, making public appearances when necessary, coming to Nunally's aid when she asked, doing his best to avoid anyone else.

It was a dull life.

So when a knock – hesitant and so quiet he almost missed it – sounded from the front door, Suzaku couldn't help but freeze. His moment of tension quickly evaporated, it was probably just one of the neighbors being stupid. He let out another sigh and closed his eyes in hopes that he would eventually drift to sleep.

There was silence for a few moments before the knock came again. It was much louder this time around, and much more insistent, as if the knocker refused to be ignored. Suzaku opened his eyes and turned his head to focus his gaze through the open bedroom door, staring at the main door, absolutely puzzled.

Someone was knocking. That fact had yet to register in Suzaku's mind and he continued to gape like an idiot.

Another loud knock sounded through the empty apartment. This one finally jolted Suzaku out of his daze. Oh. "Oh," he mumbled to himself and quickly rolled out of bed, landing clumsily on the floor. He grunted in pain before staggering back up to his feet and making his way to the front door. As he approached he could've sworn he heard a sigh from the other side, but it was probably nothing.

Not bothering to look through the peephole, Suzaku swung the door open freely, it was probably Nunally or someone, no one else knew he lived here. "Yes – "

His words immediately died on his lips and he simply stared at the person on his doorstep.

Kallen Stadfeld – or Koizuki Kallen – fidgeted uneasily under his stare before looking up in a determined manner. "Well?" she asked expectantly. Suzaku blinked in confusion, still shocked over seeing his former rival in person, dressed in a simple summer dress, hair down in her usual do.

"Mmpfh?" he managed to ask. Kallen sighed but Suzaku thought he saw the corners of her mouth quirk up in a smile? Smirk? He didn't even know. But Kallen looked unusually patient with him and that alone was enough to make Suzaku's knees buckle in nervousness.

"Aren't you going to invite me in?" Suzaku blinked again and he looked over Kallen once more. She looked distinctively thinner as if she hadn't been eating properly since he last saw her. Dark shadows smudged under her bright blue eyes. Suzaku couldn't help the automatic twinge of concern flicker in the back of his mind – when was the last time he was actually concerned for somebody – before he finally noticed the suitcase in her hand.

His gaze lowered to her arm and stayed there. Kallen's eyes followed his and when he lifted his eyes back to her, she looked a little sheepish.

Oh.

"Could you," Suzaku's voice cracked unpleasantly and Kallen raised her eyebrow in an amused manner, "excuse me for just a moment?"

As soon as the redhead nodded, Suzaku immediately slammed the door shut in her face, ignoring the future consequences that might befall him. He stumbled into his room in a panicked manner, eyes searching frantically before they finally landed on his Zero mask and outfit. The offending items were grabbed and stuffed into his mattress – he had no other time to think of a more appropriate hiding place.

Now, despite the fact that that the war was over and Kallen no longer had any need to rip Suzaku's guts out, she still harbored a good amount of aminosity towards him. For good reason. Therefore, Kallen finding out that Suzaku was really Zero which meant that he had killed Lelouch would be bad. Really bad.

When Suzaku walked back into the living room, Kallen was already sitting on the couch. She looked up at him in disapproval. "That was stupid you know," she scolded lightly and it's _weird_ because nothing Kallen does is ever light, ever. "I could've been anyone and you opened the door just like that. You need to be more careful."

Suzaku just stared at her for a while. Kallen stared back. "What?" she snapped impatiently after a few seconds and some of the tension in Suzaku's shoulders eased because this was the Kallen he was used to – demanding, tough, all of those things.

"Nothing," he replied quickly. Kallen sniffed at this and fell silent again, the awkwardness returning to the room. Hundreds of questions and concerns buzzed in Suzaku's head but he didn't know which ones he could ask that wouldn't result in him having a bloody nose.

So when, "Do you want a cup of tea?" ended up slipping out of his mouth, Suzaku was sorely relieved when after a few tense seconds, Kallen nodded curtly.

Suzaku opened the cupboard with fumbling fingers. He frowned at the emptiness – when was the last time he ate a proper meal anyway? Reminding himself to somehow get proper groceries later, he seized the packet of green tea and placed it on the counter. Then he got on his knees and searched the lower cabinets for the kettle.

"Where – is – it?" he muttered in annoyance. Suzaku didn't notice the footsteps behind him until it was too late. Something sharp placed itself on the pulse of his neck and Suzaku immediately froze, muscles tensing in anticipation. He made to turn around and overtake Kallen but –

"Oomph!" Pain shot through Suzaku's head and he slumped to the floor, ears ringing. He laid there helplessly for a while before the sound of stifled laughter reminded him of the other person in the room. His eyes shot open to see Kallen standing before him, hand covering her mouth, eyes crinkled up in a mixture of disbelief and amusement.

Puzzled, Suzaku ran his eyes down her figure. No knife, no gun. There was no way she could've hid it in her clothes that quickly. Kallen stopped laughing when she saw that Suzaku was staring at her chest and swiftly kicked him in the chest.

"Ouch!" Suzaku glared up at a blushing Kallen.

"Pervert," she hissed. Suzaku's mouth fell open at that.

"W-Wh—I am _not_ a pervert!" Suzaku protested. "I thought you were trying to kill me!" Kallen blinked confusedly before shock tore through her face.

"Kill you?! How dare you think that you – you – " She growled and tore at the ends of her hair before turning her back on him. "I wasn't trying to kill you! You were taking too damn long and I came here to check up on you! But you flailed like the dork you are when I touched you and – "

"Hold on," Suzaku interrupted. "You put _something_ at my neck." His glare intensified, even though she couldn't see him. "Sure sounds like your wallet knife."

Kallen stood there for a moment. Then, her shoulders began to shake.

Suzaku flinched. Was she…crying? Why was she – "Kallen," he began uncertainly, slowly standing up to his feet. "What are you – "

Suddenly, she spun around, taking Suzaku by surprise. She glared at him before shoving her hand in his face.

Suzaku blinked. Right at the tips of Kallen's slender fingers were perfectly manicured, navy blue, _pointy_ nails.

Suzaku blinked again. Oh.

"Erm," he said awkwardly. Kallen put her hand down and shook her head at him. Suzaku blushed in embarrassment. The years of solitude had made him slightly paranoid.

Kallen shook her head again and placed her nails against Suzaku's neck. Damn, they were sharp. "Dork," she whispered. Suzaku blushed harder if that were possible.

"I – " he started but Kallen quietly stepped away from him. Suzaku fell silent and lowered his eyes to the floor. "I'm sorry," he murmured.

Kallen laughed harshly. "Somehow you always end up saying that to me," she said jokingly but when Suzaku raised his head again, he saw that her eyes were glistening. With what, he wasn't sure. But he couldn't hold back anymore. She had already kicked him once; he could take all that she would dish out. So he took a deep breath and finally asked the questions that had been plaguing him for the last fifteen minutes or so.

"Why?"

Kallen stiffened and turned away from his gaze but Suzaku strode towards her and grabbed her chin, forcing her to look up at him. Suzaku's eyes were smoldering. He saw Kallen wince slightly but he didn't loosen his grip.

"Why are you here?" His voice was quiet but his words seem to pierce the air around them. "Why are you not reacting? Why is it that you can you come in here and see someone who's supposed to be…" Suzaku visibly struggled to get his next words out. "…who's supposed to be _dead_ and act perfectly fine?" His hand dropped from Kallen's chin and grasped her shoulder to shake her.

"Why?" he demanded.

Eyes still glistening, Kallen bit her lip anxiously. Suzaku shook her once more for good measure. She sighed and went slack in his hold.

"Honestly…after all that's happened…I don't think anything can surprise me anymore."

Suzaku released her. Kallen immediately backed away from him and began to rub her shoulders. Guilt buzzed in Suzaku's mind but he pushed it off.

"You still haven't answered my other question." Suzaku didn't know if his voice was shaking in fury or expectation or what, but he did know that whatever Kallen said next would change everything. Kallen looked surprised before it melted into resignation. She kept her eyes on the floor as she walked toward him again.

"Because." And her voice was so tiny and timid and so _not_ Kallen that Suzaku had the urge to shake her again. "Because." She lifted her hand to touch his cheek. They both winced. "Because you're still here. And I'm still here." Suzaku turned her head away from her gaze. She dug her nails into his cheek.

"Suzaku."

Suzaku's head snapped right back to her. No one had called him Suzaku in so long – Suzaku didn't even exist anymore. But here she was, his old classmate, his would-have-been friend, his rival, standing before him and calling him by his name as if it were an everyday occurrence.

His eyes began to water.

"You're…still here," he gasped out. Kallen nodded, bottom lip quivering. She slowly began to pull her hand away but Suzaku grabbed it and pulled it to his chest. Kallen looked at him in surprise but Suzaku just shook his head and pushed her palm against his shirt.

"I'm still…" Kallen's gaze softened and she curled her hand into a fist, clutching the fabric tightly.

"You're here. Kururugi Suzaku."

Suzaku choked and lowered his head to Kallen's fist and began to sob. Kallen sniffed and placed her hand on top of his head.

"I'm so sorry," he gasped out. Kallen laughed, voice watery, and began to stroke her fingers through his hair.

"You dork. What are you apologizing for?"

Suzaku cried harder.

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A/N: Finished! Not sure if I'm going to continue to this or not, but I am liking the idea. Depends on the feedback I get. You guys probably have a lot of questions - but if I actually finish this, hopefully they will be answered. Anyways, comments/concrit are greatly appreciated. Thanks a lot! See you next time :)

_-Shii_


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey there guys! Thanks for all the lovely reviews you all gave me – I was extremely flattered and happy. Thank you! I'm glad many of you have taken interest in the story! As for the plotline – it's only two chapters so far so things will develop as they go along I guess.

So just a warning. This chapter is in _Kallen's _POV which makes the feel of this particular chapter different from the previous one. I personally think that it's considerably more lighter. There is still awkwardness and pain but Kallen has matured now so they won't exactly kill each other. I want bits of their relationship to grow before I add any more drama. So this chapter is just kinda fluffy. ;^^

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"Oniichan!"

Kallen sat up abruptly, panting and sweaty, and looked around the room, panic rising in her at sight of the unfamiliar surroundings.

_Where am I – _

Her thoughts paused when she looked down at her attire. An oversized blue T-shirt. Also unfamiliar. Kallen carefully lifted the fabric to her nose and took a sniff. It smelled like detergent and something like wood and –

"Suzaku," she breathed into the empty room. Memories of last night tumbled into her mind, shattering her early morning haziness. She was in Suzaku's apartment, in Suzaku's bed, wearing Suzaku's clothes. Kallen thought about that for a moment.

_Thank God Milly isn't here…_ She shuddered – she didn't even want to think of the sexual innuendos and misunderstandings Milly would possibly cook up, had she been here. Kallen pushed the covers off her body and stepped out of bed, stretching her arms out above her. When she had finished, she walked over to the window and pushed back the curtains.

Sunlight immediately brightened up the room and Kallen stared out at the rest of the suburban apartments. She slid the window open and sighed as the morning air brushed against her face.

This was her Japan. This was the Black Knight's Japan. And it was beautiful.

Kallen was so immersed in her own thoughts that she didn't notice the bedroom door open or Suzaku walk up until he was beside her.

"It's a nice day today." Kallen squeaked in surprise and automatically punched Suzaku in the shoulder as a reflex. Suzaku winced in pain and began to rub the spot where she had hit him. "Ouch."

Kallen immediately blushed. "D-Don't sneak up on people like that!" she snapped in response. To her surprise, Suzaku only smiled at her gently. And it was a real smile too. She could see the serenity in his eyes.

For some reason this made Kallen blush even more.

But it was a relief. It looked as if Suzaku had finally calmed down. Yesterday, when he had clung to her in that moment of weakness, sobbing uncontrollably, she had been scared. Suzaku was strong, Suzaku was the one that held people while _they_ cried, not the other way around. And yet, there he had been, vulnerable and afraid.

Then again, Kallen had made herself vulnerable last night as well. She knew that she probably wouldn't have said what she said last night two years ago. It's funny, how time can change a person. How it can make years of anger fade away into nothingness. How it can turn old rivalries into something else.

"-llen? Kallen?" Kallen blinked when she saw Suzaku waving a hand in front of her face.

"Oh. Sorry," she murmured. Spacing out at a time like this – how typical of her. Suzaku just smiled again.

"It's fine. I was just saying, I finished cooking breakfast so do you want to eat after you freshen up or…?" Kallen's stomach grumbled loudly. She blushed. Suzaku's smile widened. "I guess that answers my question!"

Kallen huffed and looked away from Suzaku's smiling face. Okay, she was glad he had gotten over his emotional moment, but now she was starting to remember how _annoying_ happy-go-lucky, boy-scout-mode, Suzaku was. She bit back a sigh and looked down to the floor.

Then she was painfully made aware of something. Her attire. She was still only in Suzaku's shirt, and while it was big and comfy, it barely covered her bottom, leaving too much skin expose for Kallen's liking. She looked up dangerously at Suzaku. Had he been…_peeking?_

"Suzaku," she said rather calmly. Suzaku blinked at her before slowly backing away. Kallen inwardly smirked. She took note that Suzaku disliked her scary calm voice. She would definitely use that to her advantage. "would you mind leaving the room now? I want to change."

Suzaku blinked again. "But I thought you said you didn't bring any clothes – oof!"

Kallen swiftly kicked him in the chest causing him to fall to the floor. She grabbed him by the back of his neck and began to drag him to the door. This was also when she realized that she was grabbing skin, not cloth. Which meant Suzaku was shirtless.

…oh.

She practically threw him out of the room, kicking him again in the chest for good measure. Suzaku's face was abnormally red for some reason but Kallen didn't bother considering way. She was too flustered herself.

"Make sure my food doesn't get cold!" she snapped before slamming the door shut.

Suzaku stared at the door, his face still red. "Kallen…when you kicked just now…you were totally exposed…" he whimpered.

Kallen managed to find a pair of sweatpants so when she sat down on the couch next to Suzaku, she felt considerably less naked. Although, Suzaku had failed to show the same courtesy and hadn't put a shirt on. He had reddened again as soon as he saw her but her eyes were not on his face.

She couldn't help but feel angry at herself when her cheeks started to burn again. She had been in the freaking Black Rebellion for crying out loud! There had been plenty of shirtless guys – even naked ones, though those memories were not fond in Kallen's book. So why was she acting so ridiculous?

Suzaku looked at her strangely again. "Kallen? Are you alright?" Kallen kind of wanted to smash her head on the table. Spacing out two times already. And it wasn't even noon. She stuck her fork in her eggs and began to shovel them forcefully into her mouth.

"Mmmfine!"

_Damn that Suzaku. Damn him and his abs._

Suzaku laughed a little and started to eat his own portion of eggs. There was a comfortable silence; the only sounds were the forks scraping on the plates. They sat there for a while, enjoying their food. Kallen was the first to break the quiet.

"I didn't know you could cook." Suzaku shrugged.

"When you had to deal with Miss Cecile's cooking…it was helpful to learn how to scramble a couple of eggs."

Kallen blinked. "What was wrong with her food?"

He just stared at her. "She put jam in onigiri," he said blankly. Kallen's eyes widened and they both shuddered at the same time. When he had recovered Suzaku looked at Kallen again. "You grew out your hair," he commented simply.

Self-conscious, Kallen's instantly shot up to her fiery locks. Suzaku laughed. "I like it. It's different from your…previous looks."

Kallen shrugged. "A new Kallen I suppose," she murmured nervously. Suzaku looked surprised for a second before his face settled back into his neutral smile.

"Yes, I suppose," he echoed faintly. Kallen stared at Suzaku from the corner of her eye – his voice sounded distant and his expression was wistful, as if he were remembering something. When she called his name, he turned to her, startled, before putting on another smile.

This smile was different.

It reminded her of the Suzaku he had been, before he had "died", the Suzaku with Lelouch the Demon Emperor. Kallen's heart twisted a little as images of Lelouch flooded her mind for a few seconds.

_Damn it…_

Unwanted tears began to sting at the corners of Kallen's eyes and she cursed herself. It had been two years for god's sake! She should be over this. Kallen rubbed furiously at her eyes, hoping to be rid of the evidence before Suzaku looked her way again. Then there was a startled noise. Kallen inwardly sighed. Too late.

"Kallen?" Suzaku reached for her, concern written all over his face. "What's wrong? What – "

"It's nothing!" she sniffed, cursing herself at how weak she sounded. "I just…need to take a shower!"

Instantly Suzaku's concern was replaced with panic as Kallen stood up, ready to run to the private comforts of the bathroom. "No!" He immediately lunged for Kallen and the two of them tumbled to the ground.

"What the hell Suzaku?!" Kallen screeched. "What is up with you and your random mood swings?" The same thing had happened yesterday before Suzaku offered his bed to her – he freaked out and locked the bedroom door before she had even gone in and when he came back out, he looked unusually guilty.

"You can't go into the bathroom!" Suzaku wrapped his arms around Kallen's middle, preventing her from getting up. "It's – it's – " Suzaku visibly struggled for words as Kallen squirmed underneath him.

"Suzaku! Let me go!"

Suzaku shook his head furiously. "Why do you need to shower? You don't smell. I think you smell nice. You're fine – you don't need to shower."

Kallen spluttered for a moment before putting all her weight on her arms as she heaved Suzaku off her. "You dork!" Unfortunately, Suzaku's death grip on Kallen had not loosened any when she had pushed him, resulting in Suzaku with his back against the floor and Kallen on top of him.

Kallen blushed. Suzaku blushed. "Let. Go," Kallen whispered dangerously. Suzaku slowly shook his head.

"You can't go into the bathroom…" he said weakly. Kallen stared hard at his flushed face before sighing.

"Fine! I won't go." Suzaku's expression was relieved. "Your porn is safe."

His eyes widened. "P-Porn?! What porn?" Kallen rolled her eyes.

"Don't play dumb. Why else would you act so weird, today and yesterday? You're obviously hiding something and I'll bet you anything it's porn. That's funny, coming from a prude like you."

Suzaku's mouth opened and closed several times as he struggled to come up with an answer to that. In the end all that came out of his mouth was a strangled squeak. Kallen smiled confidently.

"I won't judge you. You're a hormonal young man – it's perfectly normal."

And she was on _top of_ said hormonal, perverted, young man.

Shit.

_"Get off!"_

"Wh—you're the one on top of me this time Kallen! O-ow that hurts!"

Leaving Suzaku to nurse his now-bruised cheek, Kallen stormed into the kitchen to look for some aspirin. Seriously, spending all this time with Suzaku was making her head hurt. They had "tussled" twice already and argued more than she expected. All in all it felt…

Normal. Well, almost normal. Kallen couldn't quite put her finger on what she and Suzaku were doing right now but she knew that it wasn't hurting her in the slightest. Therefore, there was no reason to get upset about anything.

But Suzaku himself was still acting weird.

Kallen bit her lip after she had gulped down some water with the pill. She still hadn't answered Suzaku, told him why she was here. To be honest, Kallen wasn't sure of the answer. All she did know was the strange circumstances that brought her to Suzaku's home in the first place.

_I suppose I am acting a bit strange as well…_ Kallen mused to herself as she walked back to the living room. _I mean, I saw him die. Shouldn't I be a bit less calm about this?_

She sighed and plopped back on the couch. All this thinking was making her head hurt again and she really didn't want to take another aspirin. Kallen stared at Suzaku who was still pouting and rubbing his cheek and she couldn't help but smile.

Even if this was strange, she was oddly content. Kallen couldn't think of another time when she felt this light-hearted. It was strange but she didn't really mind at the moment. Answers to her questions could come later, right?

"It's strange." Kallen's head shot up and she just looked at Suzaku because, what the hell, was he reading her mind or something. Suzaku met her gaze with an easy smile. "It's strange where we are right now but I like it. I don't think I've smiled so much or cried so much in such little time."

He stood up and walked towards her until he was standing right in front of her. "Doesn't this remind you of Ashford?" he whispered softly. "The bickering, the laughing?"

Kallen closed her eyes and thought of Milly and her devious smile. Shirley and her tendencies to jump to conclusions. Nina and her quiet demeanor. Rivalz and his infectious laugh. Nunnally's gentle hands.

Lelouch's eyes…

She didn't even notice her tears until Suzaku gently wiped them away with his thumbs. Kallen's eyes snapped open and she looked into Suzaku's sad green orbs.

"It's okay to cry," he whispered. "You let me cry yesterday, I'll let you cry today."

Kallen shook her head but her shoulders were already trembling. Suzaku sank down to his knees so that he was looking up at her and gently placed his hands in hers. Kallen gasped and squeezed his hands on impulse.

"I miss…" _I miss the idiocy, I miss the pranks, I miss the laughter, I miss - _"I – I – "

"I know," Suzaku murmured soothingly and Kallen lowered her head slightly so that he wouldn't have to see her tears. He let her dig her nails into his palms as she continued to tremble.

"Suzaku," she whispered softly. He "hmm"-ed in response. She grasped his hands even tighter and kept silent until he gave her a reassuring squeeze. "Suzaku I'm…glad I came and found you…"

She felt Suzaku's form stiffen before he started to stroke Kallen's sweaty hands with his warm fingers.

"I am too. Very glad."

Kallen closed her eyes and smiled, lifting up their intertwined hands to place against her cheek. Very glad.

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A/N: Finished! Hopefully it wasn't too OOC? The thing I adore about Suzaku/Kallen is what they _could've _been. They have so much potential for being great friends and stuff. Anyway, hope you guys enjoyed, and remember, I love feedback :) See you next time!

_-Shii_


	3. Chapter 3

a/n: AHH I FINALLY GOT THIS CHAPTER OUT. To be honest, I'd lost interest in Code Geass, but it's been sparked again! Plus things like hiatus and writer's block don't really help you in updating your stories, do you know what I mean? But I've already written a good chunk of the next chapter so hopefully the next update won't take as long. This chapter is half light hearted half serious which is what it'll be like for a while until the real drama hits. Which hopefully...happens soon so you guys don't get too bored :)

**Warnings! **Spoilers! Fail!Suzaku, Violent!Kallen, and lots of fluffy things to make it all better.

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It had been a week since Kallen officially moved into his home. She didn't exactly announce it but once she started bringing bigger suitcases, Suzaku knew that she was here to stay. Not that he minded exactly. His intense confusion overshadowed any other annoyance he could've possibly felt. Because that underlying question kept coming up.

How did she find him?

Now, Suzaku didn't want to sound ungrateful or anything like that. He was _extremely_ grateful for Kallen being here with him. Having company that referred to him as "Suzaku" instead of "Zero-sama" was…refreshing to say the least. Though he wasn't sure what it did for his sanity.

Damn him and his constant identity crisis.

And on top of all of that, he genuinely enjoyed having Kallen in his apartment, his life. Even though it had only been for a short while and nothing overly emotional or dramatic had happened since the first two days, Suzaku found himself slowly slipping into a comfortable routine with the girl. She had claimed his bed and room so for the past few days he had temporarily slept on the couch.

Well…he certainly _hoped_ it was temporary. Either way, he didn't mind so much. His couch was pretty comfy.

Their mornings usually started off with him making breakfast and the daunting task of waking Kallen up. Kallen was a deep sleeper and a deep dreamer as well. It always seemed like she was still in her own little world every time he crept into his room to wake her up. Not to mention that Kallen was rather violent in her sleep. His first attempt after their little incident a few days ago left him with a bloody nose. Second, a kick to the groin.

Proof that Koizuki Kallen was still a dangerous person. Very dangerous.

Playful banter and reminiscing usually followed after their rather horrific mornings. Kallen always brightened up on a full stomach which resulted in Suzaku making rather elaborate breakfasts to ease the fiery half-breed into a good mood. Breakfast was usually followed by movies, cards, or naps. They were quite the lazy pair.

However, it was when Kallen left the apartment to buy them lunch or other groceries, that Suzaku panicked. Without Kallen's loud presence he was left to his own devices. His own devices being his thoughts. His evil, evil thoughts.

The first time Kallen stepped out of the house, Suzaku went into a frenzied state, running to the bathroom and grabbing his Zero outfit from the bottom cabinet. After a few agonizing minutes of slamming his head in frustration against his wall, he managed to think of an appropriate hiding spot.

There was one loose floorboard in his room and he managed to pull it off completely revealing a hollow space. He tore several other floorboards until he had enough room to stow away his cape and outfit.

The mask, on the other hand, was a tricky one.

It was laying rather comfortably in the bottom kitchen cabinet while Suzaku convinced a rather skeptical Kallen to go out and buy a potted plant.

"But, why?" Kallen asked in exasperation, not sure whether to be amused or disturbed when Suzaku got on his knees in a praying position.

"Because!" Suzaku struggled for words. "The apartment needs spicing up. A potted plant is hip. Fashionable. Wouldn't it look nice?"

Kallen snorted at this. "Suzaku," she said slowly. "No one is ever going to come here. Ever."

Suzaku whined and moaned but it was the pout that finally got Kallen out of the house. "All right, all right! Jeez I can't believe I'm dealing with a seven year old here."

She brought home a large, magnificent plant with glossy green leaves and an intricately carved stone pot, slightly larger than his Zero mask. That was important Suzaku had purposely placed it on the living room table, in between the TV and the couch where he and Kallen usually sat.

And then, two days after Kallen had bought the plant that she rather affectionately called Leaf-kun, he enacted his master plan.

It happened at noon while they were watching some variety show. Usually, Suzaku allowed Kallen to be a girl and watch whatever the heck she wanted because one, it was amusing to see her get worked up and two, Suzaku wanted to keep his already battered body as safe as possible.

But today's mission was a suicidal mission.

Right when Kallen started laughing at the fat man who made lame jokes all the time, Suzaku leaned over, grabbed the remote, and changed the channel.

Kallen immediately stopped laughing.

"Suzaku," she said lowly, turning to face him. Suzaku kept his eyes concentrated on the football game. "Why are we watching this?"

"You know, Britannians call this football now, but it used to be called soccer, a long time ago."

"Suzaku!" Kallen put her plate down on the table next to Leaf-kun and attempted to grab the remote from Suzaku's hands. "I was watching something."

Suzaku shrugged. "So now we're watching this."

Kallen's eyebrow twitched severely.

_Please God,_ Suzaku prayed silently as Kallen lifted her fist. _Please let me come out of this unscathed._

He leapt for her just as she propelled her arm forward. His plate shattered on the floor and Kallen barked something about him being a useless man who didn't care for dishes, but no matter. He rammed her purposely towards the table and they struggled for a bit, Suzaku forcing himself to be the dominator in this battle.

"Little – cheater!" Kallen grunted before lifting up her legs. The sudden movement caused Suzaku to flop rather ungracefully across the table – and right into Leaf-kun.

Kallen watched in horror as the pot fell to the ground and broke into a dozen pieces, bits of soil and stone scattered everywhere. _"Leaf-kun!"_ she screeched.

After she'd finished beating Suzaku to a bloody pulp, Kallen decided to go out and eat some cakes in order to "mourn Leaf-kun properly." Suzaku waved her goodbye rather awkwardly for it was still painful to move.

Nonetheless, the objective had been completed. He gathered the broken remains of Leaf-kun and slowly put it back together. The result was a pot that _resembled_ the original one for Suzaku had messed with the dimensions a little so that the fit would be looser than expected. For convenience's sake.

Suzaku placed Zero's mask into Leaf-kun's pot, marveling at the way it fit, and congratulated himself for a day's work well done. He put only a light layer of soil on top of the mask and placed Leaf-kun's battered body to top it all off. Zero-mask-Leaf-kun's new home was on top of his dresser, where he was sure Kallen wouldn't touch it.

"So why," Suzaku asked the bathroom wall when he had completely finished. "Did I bother breaking it when I could've just dumped the soil out?" He turned the sink tap on and began to wash his dirtied hands. "Well you see," he continued speaking. "It wouldn't have been fun if I just did it like that. Would it?"

Needless to say, Kallen threw a piece of chocolate cake in his face when she came to see Leaf-kun in all his beaten glory. But Suzaku had predicted right – she hadn't even bothered picking it up or observing it.

His secret was safe. For now.

-

* * *

-

Perhaps he had spoken too soon.

"Zero-san," Nunally's voice was as sweet as ever though the years of being Empress had given it a mature and tired edge. "I haven't heard from you in a while. I decided to call and…check up on you."

Suzaku scratched his head nervously, fingers on the phone slicking with cold sweat. He placed a blanket on Kallen, who had fallen asleep on the couch earlier, and gave her form one anxious look before quietly making his way to his bedroom. He locked the door immediately and slip to the ground, walk against the wood of the door.

"Ah Your Majesty," he tried not to stumble, slipping into as much of the Zero voice as he could. Not having the mask made things a lot harder. He took a deep breath.

_Easy, Suzaku. You can handle this._

"Are your quarters to your liking?"

Suzaku allowed a weak smile to form amidst all his nervousness. This was the Nunally he knew and loved, always thinking of others and never herself.

"Yes, Your Majesty. Quite suitable for my tastes." The words felt like paper in his mouth. So impersonal, so frigid. It was for the best, he was Zero at this moment, not Suzaku.

But this was Nunally. Nunally who had been such a huge part of Suzaku. Nunally who reminded him of Euphemia in so many ways.

_…Euphie._ Suzaku shut his eyes tight in an attempt to force the water forming in his eyes away. This wasn't the time to think of such things. He was Zero, not Nunally's Suzaku, not Euphie's Suzaku. Zero.

"…Zero-san? Zero-san!" Nunally's voice anxiously cut through his thoughts. He took another deep breath.

"Yes Your Majesty? Forgive me, I'm a bit…distracted."

"That's quite alright." There was still a trace of worry in her voice but she continued on despite the fact. "As I was saying, have you heard any reports from the Black Knights lately? Or Ohgi-san?"

Suzaku wracked his brain for any information he might've gotten from the past week.

_No, no reporting, but did you happen to know that I have one of the most powerful Black Knights living in my house, sleeping in my bed? Did you know?_  
"Aside from usual reporting of the city, nothing, Your Majesty."

"…I see," Nunally's voice was quiet. "Then I suppose we've nothing to talk about then, do we?"

The urge to laugh didn't escape him. Nunally was still such a child, their Empress was a child, a beautiful child with a beautiful mind.

"Zero-san?" Suzaku was still too busy chuckling to bother responding. "…Suzaku?"

He froze.

_No no no no no –_

"Suzaku," Nunally sounded desperate, fragile, just like the Nunally he used to protect all the time. "Suzaku if it's you, do tell me. I'm all alone here. I don't have anyone anymore. _Please Suzaku._ Answer me."

The tears he'd forced back were starting to return. He _could_ be Nunally's Suzaku again…couldn't he? All it would take was one word, one affirmation, one soft "Nunally" instead of "Your Majesty" and he could be rid of this damned curse Lelouch placed on him.

Suddenly, there was a knock on the door. The noise made Suzaku jump instantly to his feet and he faced the door with wide eyes.

"Suzaku?" Kallen's tired voice made her sound more like a little girl than anything. "Suzaku, you in there?"

"Suzaku?" Nunally sounded close to tears.

Suzaku closed his eyes in resignation.

"I'm sorry Your Majesty," he said calmly, making sure his voice betrayed none of the emotion he was feeling. "Kururugi Suzaku is dead."

Nunally sobbed. "F-Forgive me Zero-san. I don't know what I was thinking."

The dial tone blared in his ear and Suzaku stood there as Kallen continued to knock and call his name. He had just thrown everything he held dear about his past away. _He made Nunally cry._

"I'm sorry, Lelouch," he whispered to the air as he tucked the phone back into his pocket. Finally he walked over and opened the door to reveal an irritable Kallen.

"There you are! What were you doing in there? Do you know how long I was calling your – hey," Kallen's anger immediately dissipated when she saw Suzaku's face. "What happened? Are you alright?"

Suzaku stumbled forward and Kallen quickly wrapped her arms around his middle to keep him steady. "H-Hey! Suzaku! What's wrong?"

"…Can I sleep with you tonight…?"

Kallen dropped him to the floor. _"What?"_

Suzaku didn't even have to look up to see her blush. He already knew it. "I promise I won't do anything perverted. I just…" he took in another shaky breath. Why had it suddenly become so hard to breathe?

"I just need to know that I'm not alone right now."

There was silence from Kallen. Then, Suzaku listened to the sound of her footsteps as she passed him on the ground, across the floor, until she'd crawled into his bed. Suzaku sighed as he stood up. He shouldn't have expected so much from her. Especially when it came out of nowhere.

His hand touched the doorknob when he heard her clear her throat uncomfortably.

"Where do you think you're going?"

Suzaku quickly turned around to see that she had moved to one side of the bed, leaving enough space for one more person. He could see that her cheeks were still pink and her eyes were looking anywhere but at him.

He stepped towards her.

She froze. "D-Don't forget to turn off the lights!" she stuttered before diving under the covers. He blinked at her request and chuckled softly before flipping the switch off. He walked towards the bed and gingerly slipped in.

Instant comfort hit him. "Oh gosh," he sighed in delight. "It's been so long since I've slept in my own bed."

Kallen "hmph-ed" next to him and he chuckled again. He scooted closer to her so he could whisper in her ear, "I never said it was your fault."

A foot came out of nowhere and hit Suzaku right in the gut. He groaned before rolling back to his place.

"Not so close," Kallen muttered.  
Suzaku whimpered an apology and rubbed his stomach to ease the pain. Such a violent girl he was living with.

But it was real. He could hear the sound of Kallen's steady breathing, smell her soft scent. If he moved any closer he could touch her…

"Kallen," he whispered softly. He heard her moan in response. "Kallen, thank you."

"…I didn't even do anything, idiot," she muttered sleepily before her breathing evened out. She'd fallen asleep. Suzaku flipped to the other side and stared at her figure until he was sure she was sound asleep. Then he crept closer like he'd done earlier and gently moved some hair away from her face.

This was definitely real.

"I could get used to this," he murmured softly. He settled next to her and drifted off to sleep, lulled by the sound of Kallen's slight snoring.

And for the first time in a very long time, Suzaku didn't dream of pink-haired princesses and bloodied white dresses.

-

* * *

a/n: Reviews are, as always, a thing of joy forever! So give them to me ;) And I promise to reply this time so come with beautiful things to say! Love you much readers. Thanks for being patient.

_-Shii_


	4. Chapter 4

**IMPORTANT AUTHOR'S NOTE AHEAD GUYS. PLEASE READ THROUGH IT ALL.**

* * *

Hey there guys!

I wonder if there are any of you who are actually still reading this story. Well, even if there aren't, I don't want to become the type of author that leaves a story unfinished. Sorry if you saw this update expecting for another chapter – but another chapter IS on its way. I just wanted to make an author note say that I will be **rewriting and revising these first three chapters**, just so I can get in the groove of the story. The plot of the story won't change much but I'll be adding some key details and perhaps extending the chapters. You'll see.** Within the next week or so, the revised chapters, along with a new Chapter 4 will be up.** I think my writing style has changed just a little bit over the years so that's the main reason I'd like to go ahead and fix up some of these chapters. So when the next update does come, **please reread through everything!** It'll make things a lot easier, I promise. And to those of you who HAVE been waiting patiently for an update, who still believed in this story, thank you so much and I do apologize. Really, I'm so sorry. I really don't have much of an excuse except for that 'real life got in the way.' If it makes you feel any better, it's not like I abandoned this fic to go write other stories, I haven't written in quite a while. And I miss it. And I miss this pairing and this story. So believe me, I will be finishing it. So please wait a week! Hopefully if I can go through the rewriting quickly, I'll be able to update sooner. If it extends past a week, and you really do care, feel free to PM me with a well-needed reminder. Please note that I am completely changing the chapters, nor will I change the dynamic between Suzaku and Kallen, but adding some details for the sake of plot devices. It'll clear up some questions, also make the development of their relationship more realistic.

Anyways, a huge thank you to former readers that will continue to stick with this story. I really appreciate it and hope you enjoy the revised versions, I think it'll make the story flow a lot better. If you have any comments and or questions please leave them as reviews. Also as an apology, I'll opening my PM (yes PMs only please! So no anonymous users, I'm sorry!) for any story requests for one-shots. I'll write anything but explicit porn and you can ask me within the PMs what fandoms I write for. Anyways, thank you very much for bearing with me and reading this author note. Til next time then!

-Shii


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